If there is one thing that editors work to prevent, it is hopscotch eyes. If the reader can’t understand a sentence on a first pass and must jump back to the beginning for a second or even third try, then they are at risk of becoming frustrated or losing interest.
For example, join me in puzzling over this horrendous weather forecast:
“In the southern Rockies and Plains, starting Friday, and spreading east into the Tennessee Valley and the Southeast by Saturday, and possibly into Monday, and reaching the Mid-Atlantic and parts of the Northeast through the weekend, there will be heavy snow, sleet and freezing rain.”
At this point, it would probably be safer to just stay home the entire weekend than risk misunderstanding.
While that was an extreme example, it shows that even if you have great punctuation, spelling, and grasp of the English language, none of it matters if you are committing clause crimes. Fortunately, there are some easy tricks we can incorporate to keep our weather forecasts straightforward and prevent our readers from hopping like rabbits.
To start, let’s identify where phrases and clauses can find themselves in a sentence.
Adverbial Phrase
At the Beginning of a Sentence
Less Clear: “Because of the decreasing stigma surrounding mental health and the open discourse surrounding it, patients are now more likely to accept therapy as a form of treatment.”
More Clear: “Patients are now more likely to accept therapy as a form of treatment because of the decreasing stigma surrounding mental health and the open discourse surrounding it.”
By moving the adverbial phrase to the end of the sentence, the author was able to emphasize the point of the sentence: patients are more likely to accept therapy. The why is important, but it needs to follow the main point to be most effective.
In the Middle of a Sentence
Less clear: “Patients, because of the decreasing stigma surrounding mental health and the open discourse surrounding it, are now more likely to accept therapy as a form of treatment.”
Again, while this sentence does work, it forces the reader to remember the subject “patients” while working through the middle until they find the second half of the phrase at the end. The longer the phrase in the middle becomes, the more effort that remembering will take. It is much easier to place the clause at the end of the sentence.
Subordinate Clause
At the Beginning of a Sentence
Less Clear: “When they were on medication and had daily interaction with friends or family, the participants also noticed a significant decrease in their depression.”
More Clear: “The participants also noticed a significant decrease in their depression when they were on medication and had daily interaction with friends or family.”
From the moment “they” appears in the first sentence, the reader is hunting for the pronoun’s identity. And while many people enjoy a mystery, that mystery will distract from the author’s message. Once the reader reaches the answer (“the participants”), they may need to go back to the beginning and read the sentence with that in mind. That is why, in the second example, the author moved the subject, “the participants,” to the front of the sentence, saving both brain power and time.
The Issue
As I alluded to above, English readers are always hunting for two things: subjects and verbs. They are the basis for the meaning of every sentence, and once you find them, understanding is possible.
For example, see how hard it is to read this sentence:
“Two swimsuits, several outfits, enough snacks to feed a family of four, a pillow for the airplane, and my favorite pair of sandals were what I packed for my trip.”
The verb (“packed”) is buried at the back of the list, and until you reach it, you have no idea where the sentence is going. This can be fixed by putting the verb earlier in the sentence to give the reader direction:
“For my trip, I made sure to pack two swimsuits, several outfits, enough snacks to feed a family of four, a pillow for the airplane, and my favorite pair of sandals.”
This was a simplified example, but it works for more complicated sentences too!
A Caveat
Does this mean that authors should never begin sentences with an adverbial phrase or subordinate clause? No, it does not. For instance, a subordinate clause can reference the ideas of a previous sentence to help the flow of ideas. But the longer you delay the subject and a verb, the more likely your readers are to be confused. Write wisely and test what works in your paper, lest you force readers to play hopscotch around the page.